When the soul is weary

When my soul is weary, she will bring me to a place of attention, yearning for love.

She will bring me back to the moment, when all that I wanted was a bowl of green bean soup from my sister in Christ, to warm up my heart, but I got a judgemental glance in return. So I’ll cook some green bean soup today, and tell my heart, I love you.

She also brings me back to the moment, when I was running away from home and my mom almost clear away everything in my room, and I didn’t have a place to stay. All that I had was a car that belonged to me, it was my only space. I only had that one car key where I can open the door and say, I’m back home. Today I’ll stay in my room, and feel home here with myself and God. Home, is where my soul find rest. I don’t have to do anything or fix anything. I just live.

My soul deserves my attention and love because she is precious.



Don’t think I’ll fall into someone like this anymore.


I was crying. I was driving. I am here, my heart is sad for the leaving of my friend. I embrace my emotions. I look around, at Sierramas, it fell like New Zealand, a very nice place!

A beautiful chapter, closed. I am satisfied

I just finished Skyping D. Our first and the last video call. 

I had said all that I wanted to say

Sorry, thank you, I love you

We cleared all the air. There is no more white elephant in the room.

Decided that going forward, we will obey God to stay pure, peace-loving, considerate; peacemakers who sow in peace will raise a harvest of righteousness (James 3:17-18).So which means, no one-to-one convos with a man in a relationship not leading to any commitment. In this way, there will not be temptation, confusion and possible insecurity of the spouse (or future spouse).

My hope is on God. I open my hand. God freely gives and freely take away. He knows the best what is good for me at any time of my life.

It is raining now. I am in my car Issac. Issac has always been my best place to be with myself. I like the rain, the sound of rain dropping on my car is very soothing. At my favourite spot of UM, I see the green, I feel secured and a sense of belonging here. I have all the private space and time I need.

I feel good, relief and a bit lost as I let go of him. From now on, in my mind, there is no more the need to think for him or wonder how he felt. I can rest now. In front of me, is a wide sky. Now my heart is free. I am feeling a energy coming up, to be adventurous again!

God, I choose to love you. I choose to go after you.

Now this chapter is complete. It is beautiful. Like a poem. Like a movie story. Thank you D. 

Although challenging, I am glad it was D who was the main character in this chapter 😉


You have been so true to your heart, you have been courageous to be vulnerable and honest and ready to face the reality. Your love is truly unconditional, your heart is so precious! You are strong and tender. You do have a gentle and quiet spirit. Your strength is in your quietness. Your trust is in your silence (Isaiah 30:15)

You do not give in to selfish ambition or vain conceit, you obey God (Phi 2:3)

Part of me still wonder, if I did things differently, would that change anything? I don’t know. I cannot go back to the past and act differently. I can grow and be better for the next relationship though. I do not regret of everything I have done. I have done my best and let God do the rest, I trust Him. (It is  liberating to trust that everyone has done their best and let God do the rest; He is sovereign! This really set me free from bitterness, complain, and expectation)

Wen Shiow, keep growing, keep walking. Life is an adventure and I know you love exploration! Perhaps, next time, if you go for another venture, you can use all the wisdom that you have gained from this experience and see what will happen! You never know, the best is yet to come =)

I am passionate woman.

You are truly a god-fearing woman. How precious you are!!

Non compromised

Hi D, falling for you was beautiful and good. I have had so much good memories with you.  I learned so much of my heart. I learned so much from you. Thank you. You are a blessing in my life. It is a good practice dance with you. Thank you. You are very patient and gentleman and nice.

Since the day you told me that you don’t have the same romantic feeling as I have for you, the fire of my heart died. Now I have NO hope of being together with you, to share love and life, to go through thick and thin and be faithful to each other, to pursue Christ together, to face life challenges, to stay side by side and love each other deeply.

I LOVE YOU. However, my heart is only this limited. I can only love one man at one time. Now you are in the place. And I need to start changing my actions so that I can move on. You have been great in guarding our hearts. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in this. Now I want learn to guard my own heart for myself. All the things I have been doing which could deepen my feeling for you, I will stop doing. For things that is healthy for friendship, I will continue to do.

I will continue to pray for a life partner, a godly man to be my man, who values my worth and knows that I am the woman of his life. Non-compromised. I trust God to provide.

It’s ended

I was rejected. My crush said that he doesn’t have the same romantic feeling as I have for him. The fire of my heart was killed instantly. Empty and flat, unable to feel anything. And the Lord knows this, for He has prepared all the comfort, encouragement, counsel, guidance, love and power for me to stand again.

Well, I actually expected it. It is not too hard to know. My mind has done a good job in analysing and learning. He has been guarding his heart. He is very wise. The thing is, I’m perseverance. It’s hard for me to give up until the last hope is gone. So before hearing him, my heart always have a little hope. You know, like a scientist, a bit experiment here and there, fine tune some setting, even with 50% chances, perhaps we will get the results we want. Now after hearing from him, the result is 100% negative, then it is unnecessary to experiment anymore. Then only my heart is finally willing to cooperate with my mind. It’s time to clear the apparatus and perhaps start another project when the idea comes.

O my heart, you have a good quality, you always hope. You need to learn to protect yourself too!

If God is not working at his heart, then it’s not God’s will, then it will not be the way I’m going. God, what’s now? I’m listening to you. Be still. I’ll move again when I hear you. Perhaps when I’m waiting, it is good for me to practise how to protect myself, for this has been a weak part in me. I love myself and therefore I’ll protect myself. Love comes from within.

War of relating

If relating to people is a war, then I’m totally bad at guarding but excellent at advancing and exploring. I’m a warrior! I’m also good at healing and gathering resources. Hahaha.

I think I’m a nomad!!

We are as strong as our weakest part. I’ll focus on learning how to guarding!

2018 A Be Still Year

I like my theme as directed by the Holy Spirit, Be Still.

Be still, so when the fear emerges, I can stand firm.

Be still, so when I doubt myself, I can trust God.

Be still, so when I am anxious, I can enjoy the moment.

Be still in the Lord, so that I will be a well watered garden, whose spring never fail.

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