Have you ever notice that the way you response to certain people are default? You always say ‘NO’ to this person. You always feel ‘certain way’ to this interaction. That is where subconscious programming.
We are all programmed in certain way to respond to life circumstances.
‘It is not good to mention money!’
‘Never praise yourself, for that is pride and pride brings disaster.’
‘You have to get it right to first time, give your best!’
These inner programmings, or rules, have shaped us in certain way. And we are comfortable with that. We don’t change until we are too hurt or too desperate.
This subconscious programming shows up the most in family.
I have noticed that I always say no to anything my mom wants to offer. And at my emotional level, I never feel being loved. The truth is, I rejected it. Why?
Let’s peel the layers of self..
The first layer is MONEY.
The train of thoughts goes like this..
‘I don’t want you to spend money on me. That’s not what I really want. Once we spend money, then you will spend all your time to work and earn money. And all you think and talk about is money. And in the end, you blame it all on ME! Saying that because of me that’s why your life is so hard, that you have to work to give me good life. Wait, I never ask for all these luxuries! I don’t want you to spend anything on me anymore! We have enough, stop buying and stop blaming me for your action!! I don’t want anything!’
And I will never get my needs being met. My mom will always feel rejected and not doing good enough for her daughter. She will try her best to please me, but she only knows it in her way, to buy more things. I will try my best to reject, because I don’t want people to please me!
It’s so sad and miserable, isn’t it.
This will not come to a stop unless one of us change. It is in human’s nature to pursue until we get it done. It’s in baby. We all come with this. Remember this saying, where there is a will, there’s a way?
Both of us have our own will underneath the interaction. She wants to make me happy and be a good mom who provides. I want to feel blameless and being loved.
What if, I come from thankfulness and start telling her that I am grateful and I feel so blessed to have so much things in life, and praise her for everything she has done for the family?
What if, she comes from trust and start telling me, daughter, I love you so much and I am so proud of you, I support your dream and give you my blessing?