On the last day of 2015, I decided to give myself a day to reflect and be complete to 2015.
2015 is an uplifting year. In the beginning of the year, I said, I want to BE myself. From brokenness in the beginning, on this last day, I feel peaceful, calm, joyful, relaxed, safe.
Let’s have a look at different area of my life.
My BGR has been dramatic! In Jan, someone I love very much left. He went back to his place which I do not belong. But I know we are always in Christ. We are always brother sister in a family. I know, our hearts are always towards God. I feel warm with the thought of him and I miss him. And I am crying. The trips we had. The conversation. Awkward moments. Laughing moments. Dancing. Running. It was good. I had no regret. I met other guys too. There is this guy, so warm and caring. I just had crushed on him. For few months, I was very troubled by my emotions. I was very insecure around him. I had much expectations. I had the urge to tell him my feeling. But I know, I shall never enter a need- or fear- based relationship. I hold back and I was free.. I still find him good. We are good friend. I befriended to another guy who I really like. I feel very energetic whenever I meet him. I thank God that this area of my life is pure and holy. Thanks God for the strength to guard my heart. I am still looking forward for intimate relationship. I will be a woman worthy of pursue! Godly man will recognise me and honor me. And I will respect him and love him.
My relationship with people has improved too. Now I can stand at my ground firmly. Even though I may shake physically or emotionally, but my being stays secured in the Lord. I thank God for the strength to resist sinful nature of revenge and attack. I know my boundary better and get in touch of my own heart more. I am blessed to be princess of peace. I love being daughter of God! I can take care of myself more now. I no longer spend much time to clear up my past. There were few months I just feel empty… it was a transition time to let go my stronghold and move toward hope, it was a time when I was holding nothing… Now I can enjoy more of the present and look forward to the future. God has given me deep joy and peace that is not from the world.
I and my family, I and my brothers sisters in Christ, I and my colleagues, I and my students, I and my boss, I now cherish relationship more and know how to interact with people without fixing them, without expectation, but with love and trust.
In ministry, I can identify with people in need and be there for them. I am still on recovery. My bitterness. My fear. There were times when I was tempted to leave, to turn away. But I resisted. I want to but I cannot commit. I am so confused about commitment in this area. I feel like I am still comparing myself to the past. I can never go back to the life I had had in the past. If that is my definition of commitment, then I will never feel committed. Lord, I make a stand here, I will always look at You to receive love and give love. I just want to feel the love of God. I do not want to work legalistically. I want to live for Him out of love, not out of law. I now know God personally. I am building my foundation in Christ.
My master has come to the last phase as well. In its final state to do some corrections based on Prof’s comments. I have always find it very hard. But I realise this mindset is not helping. I can see it as a training. As a challenge. After I complete my correction, I will reward myself by going to jumpstreet.
In my finance, my RA-ship was terminated in April. And God has been graceful to provide me jobs and money to survive. I had also ventured into business, from small business to healthcare products. Thank you mom to be my biggest client to support me in this. I am closing some businesses, it just doesn’t work. I was afraid to do it by myself and I looked out for people to do business together. But I found that sometimes, we spend too much time on people management than earning money. When the people is not right, it is hard to progress. We need good team, good products and good system to win. And I have found one. Let’s focus and commit in Naturally Plus and achieve my financial goal. God has give me blessed tuition jobs as well.
In dream, I attended a music therapist seminar and also two counselling workshops. I am also one more step nearer to my dream of being a music therapist! God gave me a kid with autism to teach starting next week. I am excited to meet him soon! I had started guitar class with goal of getting ABRSM grade 3. Unfortunately, due to some financial problem, I had to stop my classes for few months until I recover financially. I will continue the class soon! My trumpet playing has been improving as well. With better body alignment, now I can play more relaxly. I just joined a wind orchestra, which is going to start this week!
Health wise, I started Starecta and my spine and body are much more aligned! My muscle are often relaxed. I now sit probably on my seat bone. My shoulder are even now. My shoulder is not that forward anymore. I am also taking very powerful supplement, Super Lutein and Izumio! For the first time I experienced detox process through skin. I feel much energised. With Izumio, even when I lack of sleep, I can recover very fast. My acne wound (since I can’t help to scratch it all the time… it often bleed) will get healed very fast. My face is much more hydrated and the pores just become smaller! I also started milk kefir and take it very often for my breakfast. I even use it and blend it with facial cream and essential oil. I take bone soup regularly for dinner as well. Now I am adding more fish into my diet, since I heard it is very very good for hormone too.
Three words for my 2015: Recovering, Uplifting, Becoming
I prayed for self-control for 2015, and God honored my prayer!
Next year, God will provide me blessings to flourish! And I pray for grace.
My financial goal: RM4000
My musical goal: ABRSM grade 5 in guitar
My study goal: complete all works in Master
My BGR goal: be in a relationship
My health/ beauty goal: 49 kg
God I love you!