I met one of my friend who paid me for a temporary job. I still find myself FEELING intimidated with sense of shame, feeling I must be lousy worker, not being able to meet the expectation 100%. I hesitated to look at my friend. Still worry that will my friend judge me by the way I speak or act? How should I justify or should I avoid talking about my story that may make her think I may enjoying too much and neglect the job?
But feeling is just a feeling. I continued to be myself, talking and laughing, enjoy the food and chocolate drink, tell my mind, be present.
Over 2.5 years of struggles, now I can identify when shame/ guilt/ defense/ anger come out from inside, accept these feeling, understand where it comes from, and not to react to it. With faith, Jesus has given me the power and strength to stand firm in my identity. I am God’s children. God sees me as blameless and holy. My worth and my righteousness is in Him. No more depression, no more anxiety. His grace is sufficient for me, His power made perfect in my weakness.
But this doesn’t excuse me from being responsible. I have done my best and my conscience is clear before man and God.
And I thank for all these trials (James 1:2-4).
2 Count it all joy, my brothers,[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Well done Wen Shiow, you have grown up in Christ.