Yesterday, I went to bed at 930pm. Then I woke up at 130pm. O my brain start to pick up upset thing to think. Why did she treat me like this? Am I having too high an expectation? I think she is just be herself and I am myself. I may seeking some comfort from her. I can see that I am coming from the past. Ok how about I come from my essence from my being of leader? I walk ahead and initiate things. But is this doesn’t sounds like good leader, good leader walk with and serve the team. Can I tell someone, so that I don’t keep all these thoughts inside? But who to tell, I don’t want my friend to think that I use them and everytime I look for them, it is negative. I don’t mean to slander people, I just need a listening ear. Will everything happen again? Maybe it is better that I give up the relationship, as I spent too much energy on this and this is unhealthy and stealing my life? But running away from it is not going to help as well.
I couldn’t stop all sort of thoughts until 230pm, finally I decided, I have better thing to do, such as sleeping!! I want to sleep!! Then I went to sleep.
I learn that, to overcome negativity, I can have a positive desire to displace it. It is no use to explain, to explore, to understand, to defend, thoughts have no boundary and since my brain is set to negative, whatever the thoughts can turn into self-sabotaging. So, displace it, not denying it or against it.
I also learn that, it is important to have a very good friend, and some musics and exercise to help to relax,
I accept this. It is a journey.
Wen Shiow, well done on being responsible to your emotion and learning how to take care of it! I feel more confident now.