I have much emotions…. for two years, I was struggling with emotions. After talking to people, these are four questions that help me to probe into the underlying needs.
1) what trigger my emotions
2) what is the impact, what does it mean for me
3) is the hurt legitimate,
4) how do I respond to it.
Case 1 – JEALOUSY:
1) In dancing class, there are a girl friend, two guy friends, and one new guy. I notice that teacher and the guy friends dances with he girl friend more. She can dance well.
2) I look at her, think, how nice and how she enjoys the dance, on the other hand, I am bad in following the lead, people enjoy her more, I tend to auto-pilot, I couldn’t really sense the rhythm, I suck.
3) Not, she is just enjoying the dance
4) I notice how jealousy is getting the worse of me. So I remove myself out of the picture, focus on my partner and how to improve myself, what I really want, and bless her and feel happy for her.
Bottom line, I actually want enjoy and dance beautifully. I can practise feeling and moving my body with salsa music more at my own free time.
Case 2 – JEALOUSY:
1) I saw some photos in Facebook. Those photos are from my good friend and her life with girls here, outing, eating, helping each other,
2) Thoughts that come to my mind at the instance including, I am not invited again.. I am left out, even other friends got invited. So there may be problem with my way of making friends. Maybe I do not keep in touch with them enough. Maybe I shouldn’t spend too much time with other things, such as dancing class, orchestra, Saturday group, meeting up friends etc.. so that I may have space to these.
3) Not, people are just enjoying their life
4) Same.. I notice how jealousy is getting the worse of me. I recall what I was doing in those time when they hang out together, and what did I get from what I was doing, and appreciate what I have instead. And I tell myself that God has the best life, best plan for me, so live in it and enjoy.
Bottom line: I wish I could be with those girls, spending quality time together. Maybe I can just organise something for them, or/and ask them hey, what’s up today and I can join you.
Case 3 – BITTERNESS:
1) After bible study, before everyone leave for their own business, I asked for prayer request for my friend who is in tough situation. One girl acknowledge the request, stay something about who is that friend, without praying and then tell everyone to move on to their business. Everybody was quiet, until one guy said we can pray first for my friend. We prayed and leave.
2) At that moment, I was like, what happened? Did I say something wrong? After awhile and I reflect, well, maybe she was thinking about something else. I don’t know why, but it seems like she is just reacting and entertain me but not really listening to what I am talking or interacting. Maybe we have some gap, maybe I hurt her in somewhere so she subconsciously want to avoid me. Maybe I am indeed not graceful and cannot give people security and acceptance.I am sad about this but I think I better just move on and not bringing up the past, and she can move on too. After all, she didn’t say anything and is so busy all the time. And we talked before, and I apologised and she forgave me.. maybe we just need time.
3) Not, I know I make up alot of interpretation and add in significance to event
4) I don’t want bitterness to get the worse of me. I choose to focus on – mission complete (prayer request), as well as who I am – I interceded for my friend, I supported my friend, I value peace. I accept this incidence as how it is.
Bottom line, I wish we will be united, one mind, one spirit, one Lord, one body of Christ. I think I need to seek more truth, detail and big picture, in this area, what does unity mean to God? Such as, does one mind means, we always agree with one another?
As summary, generally,
1) what trigger my emotions – my comparison with others
2) what is the impact, what does it mean for me – inadequacy within myself, I am not good enough
3) is the hurt legitimate, – not
4) how do I respond to it. – choose healthy perspective, appreciate what I have and am doing, focus on who I want to be/ what do I want to achieve