I received these two comment…. awww…. so embarrassing…. no face a.. . but I am willing to complete.
Let call the one who send me this ‘L’.
In the morning, ‘L’ asked me if I have read his email, I remember I read the first line and it is about a journal to read, then said I will look at the journal later in time. I don’t work in weekends.
Then when I was free, I open the email and read.
I was shocked! The main content was about the work. But first time in my life I receive open comment.
p.s. *please be nice to me when we discuss stuffs, I have no intention to offend you*
p.s. *I have short memory (last for few days only), bear with me if I lose track on what we had discussed
Some more, c.c. another people! So embarrassing la… I felt so pai seh le.. no face le…ai yo yo yo…. my breath was taken aback, I couldn’t said any words for a few seconds.
Good things is that c.c. person, let callled ‘J’, was present when we were discussing, so I think still ok la, J saw what happened and can judge too.
After reading the email, I went to L. J was there too. Haiz. I don’t remember what I said. Maybe something like it is not offending bla bla bla and wah you cc J I am so pai seh bla bla bla..
The next day, I am still thinking about this and I wanted to reply the email. I actually wrote this:
Thank for you honesty and patient. I really appreciate your feedback and that I can improve.
When things doesn’t go well and out of my expectation/ control, I feel lost and discouraged Then when my result seems like not acceptable, I tend to defend. I also feel within myself wanted to blame people. I sensed it and I tried to control my tongue and the words. I am aware of this weakness and I feel bad for treating my friends like that too. It’s not only to you. When Sua said the result cannot be justified by statistically if the methodology is not right, I also feel bek cek too. But often, I will go back and reflect, I know you all were coming from objective advice and I am thankful for that.
Please bear with me for not being mature and patient enough. Don’t take it personally. Rest assure. Nothing of your fault.
However, to avoid any possible misunderstanding and embarrassment, for this kind of personal comment, better communicate face-to-face and one-to-one.
I didn’t send this email. I have responded to him in a healthy way. I have responded to my feeling in a healthy way. I have identified the root cause of the whole thing.
I learnt that, I put my security in performance. So when my work was being criticized, I become defensive.
The communication part is finished. My completion of emotion is finished. However, my security part is not yet finished.
For my security, I would accept myself as how God made me, and abide in Jesus, embrace His love and protection.
From this, I see that I am growing in communication and handling people and completing my emotion.
I am leaving behind being childish, defensive, self-righteous, anger.
This experience taught me to forgive others and myself, to let go of things that went wrong and to build on positive things.
Next, I will work from my values and essence, and continue to abide in Christ, He is my vine.
Learn, grow, and move on!
Well down Wen Shiow! Well done well done, I am so proud of myself for taking a step towards maturity.