I started running in my last year of university. In our graduation trip, two girls and I registered to climb Mt Kinabalu. It is 4000++ ft!! So I started training, to be fit to climb the Mt.
Since I started running, few friends joined me. And then we registered for 10km run. That was my first formal run.
After count down of new year 2014, I asked my friends about their new year resolution. One of them said it is to complete full marathon. I was very interested! I got excited and was talking about to join, since I run too. And we can train together, that will be fun! I even persuade other friends to join. But I didn’t really run much.
This May, my sister passed away. When I thought of her life, I felt angry for her. In her life, she always stay in her room, just surf the internet and read romance novel. She was trapped. She cannot simply eat, because she was diabetes. She couldn’t simple go to beach or mountain or far away, because she believed evil spirit will enter her body and make her sick. She felt helpless to do anything, because she had no qualification nor skills. She was in fear, fear of dying, fear of evil spirit, fear of working. Then in my anger, I turned it into energy to join marathon. I felt like I want to live a full life, for her. I want to break the stronghold of fears. Nobody should become victim of fear, it is unfair!!!
So I registered for full marathon the next day. I started to plan for it. Even though I am behind the training schedule, but I will finish the marathon. When I am feeling impossible to run, I thought of my sister. She has given me the energy to continue the training. Thanks sister. My only sister. I really thought we would have more time. I was looking forward to your wedding, to your family, to see you stand up and live. But I couldn’t anymore. And your last word to me, in your painful tone, was to come to your side to be with you. I heard you. I heard your struggle. I wish I could assure you that I would be there. I wish I had encourage you. But I didn’t. I was also in fear. I am sorry. I am really sorry.. I was too late, a day late. The next time I saw you, you were in coffin. I put on your shoe on you feet, but they were so stiff and cold. So hard to put the shoe on. How.. I didn’t want to force and hurt you more. The worker there helped me.
Now it is August. Last week, I talked about marathon to my coach. After much probing, she suggested me to have a look of commitment to my projects, including marathon. So I look at marathon. To be honest, it was hard for me to process. Since young, I have never been committed to anything. I am brilliant. You know. My memory is good, my understanding is good. My thinking is deep. I can see key point and big picture. I study very well. But others get jealous on me. In fear of rejection, at least I don’t commit too much, and be satisfied in second place, in this way, I don’t have to hold any responsibility. Now after being honest to myself, I declare that I am committed to complete 42.6km full marathon. Sis, two legacy that you leave to me, is COMMITMENT & LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL. Your life had been meaningful. At least to me. We are sister forever, and you are so special and unique to me. I love you.