Sometimes I just feel so meaningless. What is my life for. I do not want to go back home for sure. I don’t want to face my mother. I do not want to be controlled and live a life not of my own. I do not want all my movement be watched and weighted. I am not somebody else’s possession. No one care about me. People are busy. Once I am not in the loop, I am not concerned anymore. Once I lose to live up to the expectation, I am not wanted anymore. Real or not real?