Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
      We will grieve not, rather find
      Strength in what remains behind;  185


Sometimes I feel tremendously. Emptiness. Zeal. Love. Hate. Jealous. Kind. Peace. Exhausted. Defeated.
What do all these emotions mean?

But one thing I learn. If I give up myself, then I am doomed.

I watched this movie . I can identify with Deanie, how her heart was broken and her pride being crashed. How she desperate and hope in love and how her dream become a joke in the face of reality. When her mom still say those words when she is still in healing period in mental hospital, I shouted for her, “stop talking please, don’t say anything more! "

There is no real safe place to express. Not in family, not in friends, not in any place. But is this true? Can I be myself, by God’s grace, no longer please people, no longer in bondage,

Sometimes I am not sure am I speaking rightly or not. For I know when I am down, I speak negatively. When I have hope, my eyes look at the world in pink.




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