Just Thoughts? Running wild

Today I had many thoughts running in my mind. And here I am voicing them out. Writing is always the best thing for me to resolve confusion. Nevertheless, I just need a channel out. For no one noticed and I am too weak to tell, I just need a space where I can let it go. Tonight, this is the place. Let my thoughts run wildly and freely! A song from Linkin Park pops in my head, BLEED IT OUT.

Recently, I am tired. Thirsty. Hungry. Fatigued. I may think too much, I worry that I may have diabetes. Don’t simply comfort me that I’m OK and healthy. Friend, I don’t like comfort, they are lies. I mean, comfort doesn’t help to solve problem.Yes, I am a very practical person. But a warm embrace will be nice. A nice tap on shoulder will do. A keen attention will heal. Haha, after all, I still need comfort. So don’t be petty to me in this =D I am a coconut, you need use chopper to open the hard shell and drink fresh coconut juice inside =p Sometimes, I found myself very the inconsistent. My mind never settle down. They are running here and there all the time! I don’t really afraid of diabetes. I just don’t like the situation that I can’t be sure and being passive and can’t do anything. Maybe I should just go for a check up. Even if I have diabetes, I believe that I have the discipline to maintain a healthy life for it. So, OK, then one problem solved.

I found myself very reserved. Although I have something in my mind but I won’t say it out. I have this fear and I don’t know why, it has been with me all the 22 years. I don’t like to let people know me. I don’t like people to see who I am. I keep so much to myself, I never show any expression in front of my family, yeah, poker face. This has become a habit, a mode whenever I am with them. Sad. I MUST change >.< I know. Give me time OK.. O dear Lord, please help me in this area. You know how dear my family is to me. We may seem like strangers but deep in our hearts, we love each other. True, I miss my mom right now! Lord, change me. Transform me to a better daughter and sister. Amen!

I think I am quite down today. I have been putting poker face. Sorry friends. I love you. Just bear with me for a while, OK? Thank you so much. Love you muak ❤

I just realized, God really help me a lot in my life. Friends, you know that I am in love. And I really think much in this matter, sometimes fantasy sometimes realistic. Sometimes I don’t even know I am in love with him or my own imagination. As naive as kindergarten in relationship, I just don’t know what to do. You know, sometimes my minds are fighting with each other and I can’t decide what to do and my mind drifts in everywhere. However because I know my God, I have faith that He has a plan for me to give me a prosperous and successful future, I have hope in Him. My Lord knows the perfect time for me to enter a relationship. I think I will have a real hard time in this relationship if I don’t know God. Trying to move his heart, I would just be frustrated and troubled and exhausted and despaired. Yeah, that would not help at all! I am so blessed to have God in my life. Even meeting him is a gift from God. Even if this one doesn’t work, I know He has His purpose to move my heart. In fact, I have learnt so much since I fall in love with him! Now, I understand myself better, I know more about what kind of soul partner I want, I know more about love. In the process I also learn about faith, surrender, devotion, maturity and others.  Romance is not the only thing in relationship. Love alone won’t last. There are more perspective to consider. Commitment. Responsibility. Compatibility. Personality. Submission.

James 1:2-4

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Bible is full of wisdom indeed! Through the words God guides me in the storm of life. I MUST get hold on it. Sure and Steadfast.


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